Miss Snark…She is just too funny

Hi all, for this week’s blog I am borrowing (with permission) from another blogger. ..Miss Snark.
I look forward, with anticipation, to Miss Snark’s posts popping up in my in-basket because she makes me laugh, and sometimes even cry out loud “yes, yes, I’m not alone”. What is so funny is that she talks about everyday life, often focused around her husband & children. Below is her blog from today, but Friday was just as funny, so visit her at http://melissasnark.blogspot.com and consider signing up for her blog.

And now, from Miss Snark:
After Marriage Arthritis

Mrs. Snark: “Dear, I have washed and folded a basket of laundry. Please put it away when you have a chance.”
Mr. Snark: “I’ll get right on that.”

Three weeks later:

Mrs. Snark: “Mr. John LazyBones Snark! It’s been three weeks and you still haven’t put away that basket of laundry! I’ve added fresh clean laundry to it every day since I first asked. Now it is stacked to the ceiling and teetering at a crazy angle!”
Mr. Snark: “I’ll get right on that.”

Does this exchange sound familiar? What many newlywed wives are just realizing, and old married ladies have known for years, is that this male behavior is indicative of a much greater ailment.
What is After Marriage Arthritis?
After Marriage Arthritis (AMA) is defined as a man’s inability to perform a task–simple or complex–that his wife has requested be completed. While most often associated with married adult men, a similar strain of this condition has been known to affect bachelors and young males. During the courtship period, the man may hide or disguise his condition from his sweetheart by being extra helpful. The term “lazy” was once loosely used to imply the same disorder.
How common is it?
After Marriage Arthritis is extremely common. According to the Maryland Institute of Male Behavioral Studies, AMA is the most common ailment known to afflict married men. Comprehensive clinical trials designed to measure male noncompliance to female requests have revealed that AMA affects vast segments of the population. In fact, an estimated 99% of married men suffer from some degree of After Marriage Arthritis (classified as mild, moderate or severe).
What is mild vs. severe?
The mild AMA dysfunction typically occurs when a man is able to follow simple instructions, which results in the assigned task achieving some measurable degree of completeness. Severe dysfunction is where a husband cannot accomplish a task at all. The actual severity of the condition may be considered a subjective problem. Some wives may be willing to accept a lower level of compliance than others.
After Marriage Arthritis Causes: Psychological/Physical
Psychological factors account for about 99.99% of AMA problems and often result from lethargy, laziness or simple unwillingness. These factors may result in sinks full of unwashed dishes and a variety of household chores going unperformed.
Adverse Effects on Daily Life
A woman with a man affected by AMA may experience feelings of frustration and anger. Meanwhile, the man affected may experience secret feelings of smugness and accomplishment for having accomplished nothing. Personal relationships can be adversely affected if it is left untreated.
Importance of Proactively Treating After Marriage Arthritis
Unfortunately, there is no known cure for AMA at this time. Sometimes, nagging has been observed to act as a remedy. Other times, the suspension of coitus privileges has been demonstrated to temporarily alleviate the symptoms of AMA. A motivated penis makes for a more motivated husband.

(End of Miss Snark’s blog)

I would like to add that after months of trying to get The Husband to put away his laundry, I simply bought another laundry basket which I put in the bottom of his closet. After laundry is done, I drop his clean folded clothes into the basket. Sometimes there will be 3 or 4 weeks of clean clothing tumbling out of the basket, but at least I don’t have to look at it every day.

I will always be her little girl

So I mentioned last time that I gave the galley copy of Silver Blade to my husband to help me look for errors, well I also gave it to my mom. Now it’s not polite to ask a woman her age and I don’t really want to tell it either, but lets just say that I’m in my 40s and my mom is in her 60s. No one would ever describe my mother as shy, quiet or easily embarrassed, so I have to say I was a little surprised at today’s conversation. (No mom, this wasn’t the exact wording, but close enough.)

“So I read parts of your book,” she said.

“Parts? Why didn’t you read the whole thing?”

“Well…”

“Well, what?”

“I couldn’t read the sex stuff. I started to but then I just couldn’t.”

I could actually hear the embarrassment in my mom’s voice coming through the phone line.

“I kept wondering how you knew some of that stuff.”

OMG MOM!! My book is not erotica; my book didn’t even make it to the HOT rating. My book made it to the SPICY rating which is “at least one full sex scene with description of foreplay, intercourse and climax”

Add to this that I’m in my forties, been married twice, read lots of books (of all ratings), and have seen my share of explicit movies. I wanted to laugh. In fact, I think I did. Then she threw the line out that many mothers use: “Well what if your daughter…”

I thought back to the Toronto Romance Writers’ meeting the other weekend where we sat in a circle discussing different words for penis. It was a small (no pun intended) meeting due to the snow storm, and I think a third of the writers there wrote erotica.

What would my mom do if I wrote erotica?
What would she do if I wrote murder mysteries?
And what about Stephen King’s mother? The poor woman.

My Cover

I sometimes have a hard time figuring out what to blog about, but this week it was easy. At 2:28 today I received the images for the cover of my soon-to-be published novella, SILVER BLADE. Needless to say, the decision for my topic was obvious. (Waiting until my bill-paying job was done for the day so that I could blog about it was the hard part.)

My Cover. Beautiful - and tres sexy - work by Diana Carlile

Beautiful – and tres sexy – work by Diana Carlile

The wonderful cover artist, Diana Carlile, had her job cut out for her because my hero is…BALD! You would not think this would be an issue – there are a lot of attractive bald men out there – however, it turns out they don’t have a lot of stock photos of handsome, buff, hairless heroes. As such, she had to do some creative cropping and fading.

I think the final result is wonderful…and very sexy!! Hope you do, too.